Hello.
If you can see this, it means that they have managed to understand my EEG signals and interpret what I'm trying to say.
No, I'm not dead yet; I'm most definitely not lying somewhere in a vegetative state.
That would imply I had a body to lie about in.
All I am now is an eye and a brain.
Seems like that's all they could save. For now.
You would think that at this time and age, they would have perfected this.
Well it is sort of perfect, just not perfect enough.
Still took them this long to figure out what I'm thinking.
Obviously they don't know how to talk to me yet.
But I can sort of read lips, only if they are speaking English.
Sometimes I wonder why I thought this was a good idea.
I know, intellectual and all, but I need my body damn it!
Kinda funny just being... here and thinking... and nothing else.
I can't even scratch my nose, which is itching like mad.
Could have sworn that my legs were numb, but it's not really possible. I don't have a body now!
So this is how being bedridden feels like; except I'm missing my damn body.
If not for this eye, I doubt I can stay awake. Hard to think when I can't see anything.
That silence is deafening. Weird to not hear a thing, not even that tinnitus thing.
I don't know how long I have been here, days? Months? Years?
I can't really sleep unless the lights are completely turned off, which they have not done so in a while. Strangely enough, I don't get headaches, not because I don't really have a head, but... I don't know.
I'm not a neurosurgeon after all.
Hm, the lights are flickering. That does not seem right.
Damn it! They are gone! Did they switch it off?
Something's not right, I can't see anymore!
What is going on now?
Help! Help! Help!
Stupid. How can they hear me?
Maybe the circulatory system is dead. Power failure?
I wonder how long more before I slip into an unconsciousness?
Damn scientists...
Wednesday, 6 July, 2011
Sunday, 12 June, 2011
The Device: Part I
``No way!'' Sally said as Tom told her about his discovery yet again. ``I don't believe that there is such a device in the world!''
``It's true!'' Tom said for the umpteenth time. ``It does exist and is sitting right under our noses!''
``Show me then!''
``If that is all it takes to satisfy you, then okay, let me take you there.''
Sally was a little stunned---that was hardly the reply that she was expecting. Clearly if Tom was actually bluffing, he was really not about to just give up the ghost like that. Still, Tom was making some rather extraordinary claims, and extraordinary claims definitely required extraordinary proof. Besides, Sally was curious to whether Tom was pulling her leg or not.
Tom and Sally had known each other for years, since college days, in fact. Tom did his major in anthropology, while Sally was an engineering student. While both of them were in diverse fields, a one-time romance between them cemented the friendship that was to last long into their professional lives. Recently though, it seemed that Tom was studying various pseudo-mechanical artefacts, and had, on occasion, ask for Sally's professional advice to how and what the devices might be for. For the most part, the things that Tom discovered were easily understood by Sally, since they were often some ancient clockwork designed to simplify certain types of computations. But this time round, Tom was suggesting something altogether different, something that was a little out there even for Sally to accept as an engineer.
``So, how are we going there?'' Sally asked.
``Well,'' Tom began, ``I will drive us to the site. It is not exactly a dig site, but the various access panels and such of the device are well camouflaged that the whole structure sits in full view of the general public, who have no idea what the implications of such a device are.''
``Hold on a minute,'' Sally said, her keen mind latching on to something that sounded crucial. ``You are telling me this thing is sitting in full view of everyone and that people actually frequent it?''
``Uh huh...''
``That makes it even more impossible to believe!'' Sally said, her skepticism out in full force. ``I sure hope you have solid proof about what you have been claiming.''
``Rest assured, I do,'' Tom said with an air of confidence.
`Tom, Tom, Tom,' Sally thought to herself as she followed him to his car. `Why do you always look so sexy when you are assertive of yourself? Why did we break up at all...?'
------
``So,'' Sally said as she fastened her seat belt in Tom's car, ``are you going to tell me the location or are you just going to make it a surprise?''
``Well,'' Tome said as he adjusted his rear mirror, ``I'll tell you the location, no need to bring in the snark. It's on top of that hill-park near the bird park tourist attraction.''
``No way,'' Sally said as she recalled the location that Tom pinpointed. ``That place is a public park for crying out loud---I'm pretty sure the national park authorities would know of something like this. They have been administering the location for years now.''
Tom gave a grin as he eased the car out of its parking lot carefully.
``I don't know if they know, but the study of the historical relevance of the hill-park location was commissioned by the national parks authority. I found it kind of weird for such a study to be commissioned, considering the fact that it was done after the site had been developed into a public park, and not before. That would probably have destroyed many markers and artefacts that would have made the place historically significant,'' Tom replied as he drove his hatchback out of the basement car park.
Sally sat there quietly, taking in Tom's words and weighing them as she looked at the passing scenery.
``Sounds a little sketchy to me,'' she said finally as Tom made a turn out into a slip road.
``Yeah,'' Tom replied. ``I'm hoping that you might have a better explanation for what I found; that's why I looked you up on this one.''
Sally nodded and looked out of the window in silence.
Outside, passing cars and roadside trees flashed past in a blur as Tom accelerated towards their destination. The silence between them was simultaneously comforting and wounding, comforting because they each had space to think their own private thoughts, wounding because it would keep reminding them ever so subtly why they divorced in the first place.
A few more turns later, Tom finally broke the silence.
``We're nearly there.''
Ahead was the bird park, and to the left was a long inclined road that flanked the little hill. Tom downshifted his gear to the second and turned onto the inclined road. The engine purred softly as the tachometer edged past the two thousand mark.
The inclined road they were on wasn't too steep, but it was steep enough to have its presence felt. Sally could feel her back pressing into the back rest of the seat sa gravity did its job. Tom grinned to himself---Sally wasn't one who liked going up hills in cars, since her back wasn't really comfortable with all the compressive forces on it. In fact, when they were still living together a long time ago, she always slept prone, which became a little awkward when they tried to make love, since he liked being the top and... Tom shook his head. Now wasn't the time to think of this.
As the inclination of the road went up, Tom carefully slipped the hatchback down to the first gear. It was the final part of the entry anyway, and it was a little steep even for a slope. With a louder purr, the tiny engine revved and carried the car over the speed bump that sat at the top of the climb.
``Ow,'' Sally said. ``Stupid bumps.''
``Aand, we are here,'' Tom said as he upshifted his car to the second gear. ``Let me park this first and we can go up and have a look at the device.''
Sally nodded nonchalantly, her mind obviously elsewhere. She had reclined the seat and was sitting upright so as to ease the compression of the back rest on her back. That was something that she did very often, and Tom knew that, so he did not kick up any fuss.
------
Tom and Sally stepped out of the car and walked in front of it.
``So, where's the device?''
``You are staring at it.''
``Huh?'' Sally looked about confusedly. ``I don't get it.''
``What do you see?''
``Some rock garden, and the observation tower.''
``Uh huh.''
``You don't mean---''
``Yes, the observation tower. That's the device.''
There was something strange about what Tom just said, and suddenly it clicked in her head.
``Wait, the observation tower is the device? It is not the place where the device is stored?''
``Nope,'' Tom shook his head as he repeated his words carefully. ``The observation tower is the device itself.''
Sally looked skeptical once more.
``Okay, that's not funny. Show me the proof that makes you claim that the observation tower is the device and that it does what you had claimed it did.''
``In due time,'' Tom replied. ``But first, let me get the key.''
``Wait, key? What key?''
``The key that the national parks authority gave us when they commissioned the study.''
Sally fumed slightly.
``You are telling me the the national parks authority gave you a damn key to the observation tower for the study and that they have no idea that it was a device for...''
``That's right. It was a key that they found near the observation tower when they took over the location to develop into a public park. They didn't know what to do with it, since there didn't seem to be any lock that the key would fit in the general location.''
``The fact that there was an observation tower already existed before they developed the place into a park did not faze them at all?'' Sally was sounding more incredulous by the minute. ``I'm not buying this; too fishy.''
``Well,'' Tom explained as the both of them walked towards the observation tower's entrance. ``It wasn't exactly the observation tower in the form that we see today that was there---it was just some dilapidated looking cylindrical structure. The national parks authority didn't want to tear the existing structure down to rebuild, so they just did some renovations on it and integrated it into the park's design as an observation deck of sorts. It fit well into the whole theme of the park though, since it is on a hill and all.''
Sally shrugged. The story that Tom was telling seemed to be getting a little out of hand by now.
``It's true!'' Tom said for the umpteenth time. ``It does exist and is sitting right under our noses!''
``Show me then!''
``If that is all it takes to satisfy you, then okay, let me take you there.''
Sally was a little stunned---that was hardly the reply that she was expecting. Clearly if Tom was actually bluffing, he was really not about to just give up the ghost like that. Still, Tom was making some rather extraordinary claims, and extraordinary claims definitely required extraordinary proof. Besides, Sally was curious to whether Tom was pulling her leg or not.
Tom and Sally had known each other for years, since college days, in fact. Tom did his major in anthropology, while Sally was an engineering student. While both of them were in diverse fields, a one-time romance between them cemented the friendship that was to last long into their professional lives. Recently though, it seemed that Tom was studying various pseudo-mechanical artefacts, and had, on occasion, ask for Sally's professional advice to how and what the devices might be for. For the most part, the things that Tom discovered were easily understood by Sally, since they were often some ancient clockwork designed to simplify certain types of computations. But this time round, Tom was suggesting something altogether different, something that was a little out there even for Sally to accept as an engineer.
``So, how are we going there?'' Sally asked.
``Well,'' Tom began, ``I will drive us to the site. It is not exactly a dig site, but the various access panels and such of the device are well camouflaged that the whole structure sits in full view of the general public, who have no idea what the implications of such a device are.''
``Hold on a minute,'' Sally said, her keen mind latching on to something that sounded crucial. ``You are telling me this thing is sitting in full view of everyone and that people actually frequent it?''
``Uh huh...''
``That makes it even more impossible to believe!'' Sally said, her skepticism out in full force. ``I sure hope you have solid proof about what you have been claiming.''
``Rest assured, I do,'' Tom said with an air of confidence.
`Tom, Tom, Tom,' Sally thought to herself as she followed him to his car. `Why do you always look so sexy when you are assertive of yourself? Why did we break up at all...?'
------
``So,'' Sally said as she fastened her seat belt in Tom's car, ``are you going to tell me the location or are you just going to make it a surprise?''
``Well,'' Tome said as he adjusted his rear mirror, ``I'll tell you the location, no need to bring in the snark. It's on top of that hill-park near the bird park tourist attraction.''
``No way,'' Sally said as she recalled the location that Tom pinpointed. ``That place is a public park for crying out loud---I'm pretty sure the national park authorities would know of something like this. They have been administering the location for years now.''
Tom gave a grin as he eased the car out of its parking lot carefully.
``I don't know if they know, but the study of the historical relevance of the hill-park location was commissioned by the national parks authority. I found it kind of weird for such a study to be commissioned, considering the fact that it was done after the site had been developed into a public park, and not before. That would probably have destroyed many markers and artefacts that would have made the place historically significant,'' Tom replied as he drove his hatchback out of the basement car park.
Sally sat there quietly, taking in Tom's words and weighing them as she looked at the passing scenery.
``Sounds a little sketchy to me,'' she said finally as Tom made a turn out into a slip road.
``Yeah,'' Tom replied. ``I'm hoping that you might have a better explanation for what I found; that's why I looked you up on this one.''
Sally nodded and looked out of the window in silence.
Outside, passing cars and roadside trees flashed past in a blur as Tom accelerated towards their destination. The silence between them was simultaneously comforting and wounding, comforting because they each had space to think their own private thoughts, wounding because it would keep reminding them ever so subtly why they divorced in the first place.
A few more turns later, Tom finally broke the silence.
``We're nearly there.''
Ahead was the bird park, and to the left was a long inclined road that flanked the little hill. Tom downshifted his gear to the second and turned onto the inclined road. The engine purred softly as the tachometer edged past the two thousand mark.
The inclined road they were on wasn't too steep, but it was steep enough to have its presence felt. Sally could feel her back pressing into the back rest of the seat sa gravity did its job. Tom grinned to himself---Sally wasn't one who liked going up hills in cars, since her back wasn't really comfortable with all the compressive forces on it. In fact, when they were still living together a long time ago, she always slept prone, which became a little awkward when they tried to make love, since he liked being the top and... Tom shook his head. Now wasn't the time to think of this.
As the inclination of the road went up, Tom carefully slipped the hatchback down to the first gear. It was the final part of the entry anyway, and it was a little steep even for a slope. With a louder purr, the tiny engine revved and carried the car over the speed bump that sat at the top of the climb.
``Ow,'' Sally said. ``Stupid bumps.''
``Aand, we are here,'' Tom said as he upshifted his car to the second gear. ``Let me park this first and we can go up and have a look at the device.''
Sally nodded nonchalantly, her mind obviously elsewhere. She had reclined the seat and was sitting upright so as to ease the compression of the back rest on her back. That was something that she did very often, and Tom knew that, so he did not kick up any fuss.
------
Tom and Sally stepped out of the car and walked in front of it.
``So, where's the device?''
``You are staring at it.''
``Huh?'' Sally looked about confusedly. ``I don't get it.''
``What do you see?''
``Some rock garden, and the observation tower.''
``Uh huh.''
``You don't mean---''
``Yes, the observation tower. That's the device.''
There was something strange about what Tom just said, and suddenly it clicked in her head.
``Wait, the observation tower is the device? It is not the place where the device is stored?''
``Nope,'' Tom shook his head as he repeated his words carefully. ``The observation tower is the device itself.''
Sally looked skeptical once more.
``Okay, that's not funny. Show me the proof that makes you claim that the observation tower is the device and that it does what you had claimed it did.''
``In due time,'' Tom replied. ``But first, let me get the key.''
``Wait, key? What key?''
``The key that the national parks authority gave us when they commissioned the study.''
Sally fumed slightly.
``You are telling me the the national parks authority gave you a damn key to the observation tower for the study and that they have no idea that it was a device for...''
``That's right. It was a key that they found near the observation tower when they took over the location to develop into a public park. They didn't know what to do with it, since there didn't seem to be any lock that the key would fit in the general location.''
``The fact that there was an observation tower already existed before they developed the place into a park did not faze them at all?'' Sally was sounding more incredulous by the minute. ``I'm not buying this; too fishy.''
``Well,'' Tom explained as the both of them walked towards the observation tower's entrance. ``It wasn't exactly the observation tower in the form that we see today that was there---it was just some dilapidated looking cylindrical structure. The national parks authority didn't want to tear the existing structure down to rebuild, so they just did some renovations on it and integrated it into the park's design as an observation deck of sorts. It fit well into the whole theme of the park though, since it is on a hill and all.''
Sally shrugged. The story that Tom was telling seemed to be getting a little out of hand by now.
Tuesday, 3 May, 2011
My Eyes: Part II
(Story begins here.)
Shumei led the way as I followed her groggily, as though my head were weighed down by something that I couldn't really describe. There was just something amiss that I could feel but was unable to pinpoint exactly---then it suddenly occurred to me---Shumei was reacting rather strangely. There was something odd about her demeanour, and that she had to run an errand with me in tow. Her reply when I asked where we were heading was surprisingly muted, as though she were trying to hide something. Perhaps all these hallucinations that I have been seeing are related to her errands.
We rounded the corner and found ourselves on a quieter side of Katong Shopping Centre, the kind of quiet place where most people would pass by without a second glance; that was how off-the-road it was. The off-shoot corridor felt a little dimmer than most places, even though I was sure that the lighting system in shopping centres were mostly consistent since they are all installed by the same contractors at construction time. Yet the corridor did have that darkened feeling about it. Unconsciously, I blinked my eyes and what I saw confused me further.
Where we were standing, outside of the corridor, the mall had that same husked feeling that I got when I first realised that I had entered the mall. But within the corridor itself, instead of the dark and quiet husk, the entire corridor was painted in hellish colours of red all over, with swirling maroon clouds emanating from one particular shop door, with the rest seemingly unlit and passive looking. The redness seemed to be concentrated most at that one particular door, and as the distance from it increased, the hellish red seemed to give way to the dull darkness that made up the rest of the mall. Horrified at what I saw, I blinked my eyes once more, and everything seemingly went back to normal.
``Junhao?''
``Yeah,'' I replied as reassuringly as I could. ``I'm fine. Maybe I'm just too tired and need some rest.''
``Maybe...''
``Will you be taking long?''
``Hmm... not too sure. Anyway, let's go to the place together,'' Shumei said as she led the way again.
Out of curiousity, I asked her which shop we were heading to. What she pointed to me startled me a little.
It was the same door that I saw the red light emanating in that moment of strangeness!
Trying hard to hide away my discomfort, I followed Shumei as she led the both of us towards the shop.
The door gave a little creak as Shumei twisted the handle and opened it. I could feel a sudden coldness that was emanating throughout my body, as though someone has suddenly decided to turn up the power of the air conditioner, with the only difference that this time, the ``air conditioner'' that was powered up higher was within my body itself. I shivered for a slight moment before shrugging it off. Couldn't really bring myself to look like a wuss in front of Shumei; my pride just wouldn't stand it.
Shumei had already stepped through the door of the shop at that point, and I followed suit. The interior of the shop was an oddly dim location, with inexplicable sources of ambient light that gave the room with enough illumination to allow one to manoeuvre through it without tripping over anything. Apart from the general darkness of the shop, there was a general orderliness within that made it look just like any other shop that was in the shopping centre---there was a counter that stretched from the left side of the door all the way to the back, where columns of cabinets dominated. While on the outward glance the shop looked ordinary save for the low lighting, there was still something that was odd about it. Then it hit me.
There was no clue what the shop was selling. It was true---the counter was a solid mass of grey, while the cabinets lining the back had no windows to show what they were holding. All in all, a very strange place indeed.
I was tempted to ask Shumei if she had make a mistake, but she had already gone towards the rear of the shop already. As if on cue, a person stepped out from behind a hidden curtain at the rear and approached Shumei with a grin in his face. I couldn't bear to stand at the entrance of the shop looking like an idiot, so I walked into the shop tentatively, waiting and observing what was going on.
``Hi Uncle San!'' Shumei said to the newcomer on the scene, ``I'm here with Junhao.''
``Eh heheheheh,'' Uncle San started, ``so you came with Junhao?''
``Mhm.''
``Veerry good, veerry good,'' Uncle San continued, his voice creaking and screeching at the same time. I shuddered a little when he started to speak.
``Hold on a minute Shumei,'' I said, finally finding my voice. ``I thought you were supposed to be doing some errand?''
``I am,'' Shumei said as she turned around to face me.
``Then what has this got to do with me being here or not?''
``Don't you understand?'' Shumei replied, with a face of forlornness. ``My errand is to take you here.''
``What?!'' I ejaculated. ``What is this place? Why did you have to take me here? Who is this `Uncle San'? Answer me Shumei, answer me! Just what the hell is going on?''
Shumei giggled in a most disturbing way and stepped aside to give Uncle San a better view of me.
``Ah!'' Uncle San said, seemingly oblivious to my outburst, ``you have indeed brought Junhao here.''
I swore under my breath. Just what was going on in this place?
Shumei led the way as I followed her groggily, as though my head were weighed down by something that I couldn't really describe. There was just something amiss that I could feel but was unable to pinpoint exactly---then it suddenly occurred to me---Shumei was reacting rather strangely. There was something odd about her demeanour, and that she had to run an errand with me in tow. Her reply when I asked where we were heading was surprisingly muted, as though she were trying to hide something. Perhaps all these hallucinations that I have been seeing are related to her errands.
We rounded the corner and found ourselves on a quieter side of Katong Shopping Centre, the kind of quiet place where most people would pass by without a second glance; that was how off-the-road it was. The off-shoot corridor felt a little dimmer than most places, even though I was sure that the lighting system in shopping centres were mostly consistent since they are all installed by the same contractors at construction time. Yet the corridor did have that darkened feeling about it. Unconsciously, I blinked my eyes and what I saw confused me further.
Where we were standing, outside of the corridor, the mall had that same husked feeling that I got when I first realised that I had entered the mall. But within the corridor itself, instead of the dark and quiet husk, the entire corridor was painted in hellish colours of red all over, with swirling maroon clouds emanating from one particular shop door, with the rest seemingly unlit and passive looking. The redness seemed to be concentrated most at that one particular door, and as the distance from it increased, the hellish red seemed to give way to the dull darkness that made up the rest of the mall. Horrified at what I saw, I blinked my eyes once more, and everything seemingly went back to normal.
``Junhao?''
``Yeah,'' I replied as reassuringly as I could. ``I'm fine. Maybe I'm just too tired and need some rest.''
``Maybe...''
``Will you be taking long?''
``Hmm... not too sure. Anyway, let's go to the place together,'' Shumei said as she led the way again.
Out of curiousity, I asked her which shop we were heading to. What she pointed to me startled me a little.
It was the same door that I saw the red light emanating in that moment of strangeness!
Trying hard to hide away my discomfort, I followed Shumei as she led the both of us towards the shop.
The door gave a little creak as Shumei twisted the handle and opened it. I could feel a sudden coldness that was emanating throughout my body, as though someone has suddenly decided to turn up the power of the air conditioner, with the only difference that this time, the ``air conditioner'' that was powered up higher was within my body itself. I shivered for a slight moment before shrugging it off. Couldn't really bring myself to look like a wuss in front of Shumei; my pride just wouldn't stand it.
Shumei had already stepped through the door of the shop at that point, and I followed suit. The interior of the shop was an oddly dim location, with inexplicable sources of ambient light that gave the room with enough illumination to allow one to manoeuvre through it without tripping over anything. Apart from the general darkness of the shop, there was a general orderliness within that made it look just like any other shop that was in the shopping centre---there was a counter that stretched from the left side of the door all the way to the back, where columns of cabinets dominated. While on the outward glance the shop looked ordinary save for the low lighting, there was still something that was odd about it. Then it hit me.
There was no clue what the shop was selling. It was true---the counter was a solid mass of grey, while the cabinets lining the back had no windows to show what they were holding. All in all, a very strange place indeed.
I was tempted to ask Shumei if she had make a mistake, but she had already gone towards the rear of the shop already. As if on cue, a person stepped out from behind a hidden curtain at the rear and approached Shumei with a grin in his face. I couldn't bear to stand at the entrance of the shop looking like an idiot, so I walked into the shop tentatively, waiting and observing what was going on.
``Hi Uncle San!'' Shumei said to the newcomer on the scene, ``I'm here with Junhao.''
``Eh heheheheh,'' Uncle San started, ``so you came with Junhao?''
``Mhm.''
``Veerry good, veerry good,'' Uncle San continued, his voice creaking and screeching at the same time. I shuddered a little when he started to speak.
``Hold on a minute Shumei,'' I said, finally finding my voice. ``I thought you were supposed to be doing some errand?''
``I am,'' Shumei said as she turned around to face me.
``Then what has this got to do with me being here or not?''
``Don't you understand?'' Shumei replied, with a face of forlornness. ``My errand is to take you here.''
``What?!'' I ejaculated. ``What is this place? Why did you have to take me here? Who is this `Uncle San'? Answer me Shumei, answer me! Just what the hell is going on?''
Shumei giggled in a most disturbing way and stepped aside to give Uncle San a better view of me.
``Ah!'' Uncle San said, seemingly oblivious to my outburst, ``you have indeed brought Junhao here.''
I swore under my breath. Just what was going on in this place?
Sunday, 3 April, 2011
Start of the End of Marriage
``April showers bring May flowers,'' or so the conventional wisdom says. But at this point at this place, that's the last thing that I really gave a damn about. I just sat there at the covered bus stop, as the torrential downpour continued its relentless charge against the dryness of the ground.
That feeling of the rain striking the ground with great force having fallen over a thousand feet from the sky was one that I could really identify strongly with, considering what I had just been through.
I sat there, thinking to myself about what had transpired a little earlier.
------
``No Tom! You are not going anywhere! I forbid it!''
``Who the hell do you think you are, my mother?''
``When you married me that day two years ago, I've already told you that I wanted you beside me always!''
``Sure! But this is ridiculous! Why must I be chained perpetually to you and be unable to do things that I want? It's not as though I'm having a mistress or something...''
``Ah ha! You've finally admitted to having a mistress now, mister!''
``What? Look, you are talking nonsense---since when did I say that I had a mistress outside?''
``Denying it just makes it all the more suspicious!''
``I am not fucking denying anything!''
``Then you admit to having a mistress outside!''
``What the... you are going irrational, woman...''
``Irrational?'' Susan repeated, her eyes turning into a fiery red. `Uh oh,' I thought to myself, `this is going to be bad.'
``Me, irrational? Marrying you was an irrational mistake then? Living with you is irrational too, right? Caring about you, well that's also irrational right?''
``I don't mean it that way...''
``Oh yes you do! First you have a mistress outside, and now you are calling ME irrational? What nerves you have!''
I sighed. As predicted, what could have been a simple conversation has escalated into a full-blown argument that threatened the peace of all withing a five-hundred metre radius. Once she started on her fugue, it would be impossible to sway her back to whatever the topic was at hand, whether or not she was actually making sense. I braced myself for the impact.
``I am not calling you irrational... can you please calm the fuck down?''
``Me? Calm down? Are you saying that I'm NOT CALM?''
``THAT'S IT!'' I bellowed, unable to contain my chagrin any longer. ``You have crossed the line. I'm not going to talk to you for now; you are obviously not in the right state for a proper conversation...''
``Yes I am!''
``DON'T INTERRUPT ME!'' I lashed out again. There was a stunned silence from Susan---she probably wasn't expecting me to do this. I wasn't one who would easily raise my voice, but whenever I did, it always produced the same effect that Susan is experiencing right now.
``I'm going to step out right now so that we both can calm down and talk things over. And no, I do not approve of you being the sole dictator of my life. We are married for goodness sake, and that is not some slave-master relationship.'' I took a deep breath and continued, ``I will go out now, and you will not stop me.''
I picked up my satchel from the couch that I stood from and exited through the main door. All these while, Susan just stood there in stunned silence.
------
The rain pelted down intensely as I tucked up my legs to avoid the water that was fast flowing into the drainage behind. I had gone for the event that triggered the whole brouhaha in the first place, and at its conclusion, I have been sitting at this bus stop, just to think and wait, to wait and think. The rain came quickly of course, which explained why I was still at the bus stop---in my haste, I hadn't put an umbrella into my satchel, and now, just three hundred metres away from my apartment, I have to wait out the rain. I didn't really want to go back all drenched (and in a foul mood) and get involved in yet another fight.
`Divorce.'
I blinked my eyes, suddenly even more aware of the surroundings than before. Was it something that I had heard?
`Divorce.'
There it was again! I was more certain that I had heard something this time. But there was no one else in the bus stop---just what was it that is whispering words to me?
`Your unconscious.'
I sat upright, startled at the answer. That an answer was returned made me most confused, almost as though some hidden part of me was trying to break through and talk to me.
I listened harder, but all I could hear was the ambient noise from the heavy rain. There was little else in terms of the words.
But whatever it was, it seemed to make some sense though; divorce was a possibility that I have not considered. True, it was only two years of marriage, but already there were strong irreconciliable reasons why we just couldn't go on. I knew early on in my relationship with Susan that she had a possessive streak, but it was only after we got married that the true extent of the possession was. It had gotten to the point that I would be unable to meet up with my friends after work, be they male or female. And even when I was at work, she would call in once every couple of hours to check in on me. For a while it was the envy of my colleagues, since they thought it was sweet of her to talk to me throughout the day. But as time went by, it was clear that even my colleagues were thinking that it was a little too excessive, the way she was calling.
Maybe it was pride, or maybe it was shame, but I put up for two years. Or maybe it was love---I'm sure I loved her at some point in time---but as the possessive streak continued, that love probably evaporated itself ever so slowly and consistently that today, as I sat there under the bus stop sheltered somewhat from the rain, I suddenly discovered that I did not really like her that much any more; she was the very epitome of what was making my life hell.
I suppose a divorce would be the best course of action. But how do I broach this topic, that will be something to think about.
That feeling of the rain striking the ground with great force having fallen over a thousand feet from the sky was one that I could really identify strongly with, considering what I had just been through.
I sat there, thinking to myself about what had transpired a little earlier.
------
``No Tom! You are not going anywhere! I forbid it!''
``Who the hell do you think you are, my mother?''
``When you married me that day two years ago, I've already told you that I wanted you beside me always!''
``Sure! But this is ridiculous! Why must I be chained perpetually to you and be unable to do things that I want? It's not as though I'm having a mistress or something...''
``Ah ha! You've finally admitted to having a mistress now, mister!''
``What? Look, you are talking nonsense---since when did I say that I had a mistress outside?''
``Denying it just makes it all the more suspicious!''
``I am not fucking denying anything!''
``Then you admit to having a mistress outside!''
``What the... you are going irrational, woman...''
``Irrational?'' Susan repeated, her eyes turning into a fiery red. `Uh oh,' I thought to myself, `this is going to be bad.'
``Me, irrational? Marrying you was an irrational mistake then? Living with you is irrational too, right? Caring about you, well that's also irrational right?''
``I don't mean it that way...''
``Oh yes you do! First you have a mistress outside, and now you are calling ME irrational? What nerves you have!''
I sighed. As predicted, what could have been a simple conversation has escalated into a full-blown argument that threatened the peace of all withing a five-hundred metre radius. Once she started on her fugue, it would be impossible to sway her back to whatever the topic was at hand, whether or not she was actually making sense. I braced myself for the impact.
``I am not calling you irrational... can you please calm the fuck down?''
``Me? Calm down? Are you saying that I'm NOT CALM?''
``THAT'S IT!'' I bellowed, unable to contain my chagrin any longer. ``You have crossed the line. I'm not going to talk to you for now; you are obviously not in the right state for a proper conversation...''
``Yes I am!''
``DON'T INTERRUPT ME!'' I lashed out again. There was a stunned silence from Susan---she probably wasn't expecting me to do this. I wasn't one who would easily raise my voice, but whenever I did, it always produced the same effect that Susan is experiencing right now.
``I'm going to step out right now so that we both can calm down and talk things over. And no, I do not approve of you being the sole dictator of my life. We are married for goodness sake, and that is not some slave-master relationship.'' I took a deep breath and continued, ``I will go out now, and you will not stop me.''
I picked up my satchel from the couch that I stood from and exited through the main door. All these while, Susan just stood there in stunned silence.
------
The rain pelted down intensely as I tucked up my legs to avoid the water that was fast flowing into the drainage behind. I had gone for the event that triggered the whole brouhaha in the first place, and at its conclusion, I have been sitting at this bus stop, just to think and wait, to wait and think. The rain came quickly of course, which explained why I was still at the bus stop---in my haste, I hadn't put an umbrella into my satchel, and now, just three hundred metres away from my apartment, I have to wait out the rain. I didn't really want to go back all drenched (and in a foul mood) and get involved in yet another fight.
`Divorce.'
I blinked my eyes, suddenly even more aware of the surroundings than before. Was it something that I had heard?
`Divorce.'
There it was again! I was more certain that I had heard something this time. But there was no one else in the bus stop---just what was it that is whispering words to me?
`Your unconscious.'
I sat upright, startled at the answer. That an answer was returned made me most confused, almost as though some hidden part of me was trying to break through and talk to me.
I listened harder, but all I could hear was the ambient noise from the heavy rain. There was little else in terms of the words.
But whatever it was, it seemed to make some sense though; divorce was a possibility that I have not considered. True, it was only two years of marriage, but already there were strong irreconciliable reasons why we just couldn't go on. I knew early on in my relationship with Susan that she had a possessive streak, but it was only after we got married that the true extent of the possession was. It had gotten to the point that I would be unable to meet up with my friends after work, be they male or female. And even when I was at work, she would call in once every couple of hours to check in on me. For a while it was the envy of my colleagues, since they thought it was sweet of her to talk to me throughout the day. But as time went by, it was clear that even my colleagues were thinking that it was a little too excessive, the way she was calling.
Maybe it was pride, or maybe it was shame, but I put up for two years. Or maybe it was love---I'm sure I loved her at some point in time---but as the possessive streak continued, that love probably evaporated itself ever so slowly and consistently that today, as I sat there under the bus stop sheltered somewhat from the rain, I suddenly discovered that I did not really like her that much any more; she was the very epitome of what was making my life hell.
I suppose a divorce would be the best course of action. But how do I broach this topic, that will be something to think about.
Tuesday, 25 January, 2011
Treasure Hunt
``No! It cannot be the case!''
``Will you stop being so melodramatic?'' Tiffany said in desperation. ``This is already the third time today that you have been screeching---it is starting to get on my nerves!''
``I'm sorry... I just can't help myself. I mean, it's yet another of those...''
``You mean corpse?'' Tiffany said matter-of-factly. ``I still don't understand why you are so squeamish about these things. It is not as though it is the first time that you have seen these things...''
``That's not the point. This one is... fresh.''
Sam had a point. The body that they were looking at was one that was still too fresh to be releasing malodorous fumes, and the blood was still a deep crimson in colour, as oposed to the browning monstrosity that would accompany a body that had lain there for a while.
It was a stabbing case. It was always the stabbed ones that would bleed all over the place and make a big mess of everywhere. This time it was no different. This one took a really large knife multiple times in the chest and abdominal area, it seems.
Tiffany stepped forward gingerly, avoiding the blood pool as much as she could. While not exactly skittish around the dead, she didn't really want to have any of the blood on her shoes---organic fluids like that were notoriously hard to remove and she didn't really want to waste all that time cleaning up after herself. She took out a long pointer and started poking at the corpse, looking for clues.
``Did you find anything yet?'' Sam asked.
``Hey, if you want to hasten the process, why not come in and search about too?''
``Urgh, no thanks. I'll keep watch.''
``Thank you Sam.''
Tiffany gently pushed aside the half-opened coat to reveal the inner pocket, where a blood-stained envelope was peeking out as though it were hastily stuffed into the coat before the unfortunate happened.
``I think I found it,'' Tiffany said, as she put away the pointer and retrieved her tweezers from her kit, positioning herself to increase her balance over the body so that she could pick up the envelope.
``Paydirt,'' Tiffany exclaimed when she successfully picked the envelope out of the pocket.
``Yes! And now, treasure time!'' Sam said.
``I thought you were afraid of the corpse?''
``Yes I am, sort of uncomfortable around it, but still...''
(Based on an exercise generated by WriteThis - 25 Jan 2011 22:23:51)
``Will you stop being so melodramatic?'' Tiffany said in desperation. ``This is already the third time today that you have been screeching---it is starting to get on my nerves!''
``I'm sorry... I just can't help myself. I mean, it's yet another of those...''
``You mean corpse?'' Tiffany said matter-of-factly. ``I still don't understand why you are so squeamish about these things. It is not as though it is the first time that you have seen these things...''
``That's not the point. This one is... fresh.''
Sam had a point. The body that they were looking at was one that was still too fresh to be releasing malodorous fumes, and the blood was still a deep crimson in colour, as oposed to the browning monstrosity that would accompany a body that had lain there for a while.
It was a stabbing case. It was always the stabbed ones that would bleed all over the place and make a big mess of everywhere. This time it was no different. This one took a really large knife multiple times in the chest and abdominal area, it seems.
Tiffany stepped forward gingerly, avoiding the blood pool as much as she could. While not exactly skittish around the dead, she didn't really want to have any of the blood on her shoes---organic fluids like that were notoriously hard to remove and she didn't really want to waste all that time cleaning up after herself. She took out a long pointer and started poking at the corpse, looking for clues.
``Did you find anything yet?'' Sam asked.
``Hey, if you want to hasten the process, why not come in and search about too?''
``Urgh, no thanks. I'll keep watch.''
``Thank you Sam.''
Tiffany gently pushed aside the half-opened coat to reveal the inner pocket, where a blood-stained envelope was peeking out as though it were hastily stuffed into the coat before the unfortunate happened.
``I think I found it,'' Tiffany said, as she put away the pointer and retrieved her tweezers from her kit, positioning herself to increase her balance over the body so that she could pick up the envelope.
``Paydirt,'' Tiffany exclaimed when she successfully picked the envelope out of the pocket.
``Yes! And now, treasure time!'' Sam said.
``I thought you were afraid of the corpse?''
``Yes I am, sort of uncomfortable around it, but still...''
(Based on an exercise generated by WriteThis - 25 Jan 2011 22:23:51)
Wednesday, 12 January, 2011
Not Possible
I couldn't believe what I saw. It was just not possible, given what I had known so far. There was no way that it could occur, given the current technological capabilities.
``Believe it,'' Susan said as she stared down into my eyes with a burning glare. ``You know that it is possible, even if you didn't know how it can be done.''
I shook my head. I had been working on the research behind the technology for many years, and so far all of the directions that I had taken to solve the equations associated with the time travelling engine were unsolveable, even in restricted cases of space-time geometry and other additonal simplifying assumptions, That she could claim that it was a working time travelling engine was one thing that I was not prepared to accept so readily, such was the extent of the disbelief that I had to suspend.
``No! I don't believe you! There's just on way that this can work!'' I hollered back in an attempt to fight against the burning gaze that was set upon my very self.
``Then explain how it got here.''
``Why should I? I'm not the one making an outrageous claim here---he who is making the outrageous claim has the burden of proof!'' I replied indignantly. It was of course a valid statement on my part---it was always the norm for the person making the claim to prove that the claim holds, and not for the unbeliever to prove that it does not hold.
``Well,'' Susan said, her voice rising in pitch, ``the mathematics is too complicated for you to figure out; it'd be a waste of my breath and time to attempt to explain it to you!''
``Then you are lying,'' I replied with an air of finality. ``You are merely a new hire; I've been through your resume for goodness sake. How can you know some theory that I cannot hope to comprehend? You should probably stop bluffing and show me something more concrete.''
``This engine is concrete!''
``You have not proven it works!'' That part was true. I had walked into the laboratory that morning only to find Susan standing next to the device, making the most outrageous claim that I had heard in a while.
``You weren't around when I was testing it!''
``Fine, I'm here now, so show me how it works.'' I said calmly, firm in my conviction that what she said was really a sham in disguise.
``It was only good for one trip; I need to make adjustments and fix it for the next trip,'' Susan started.
``Okay, then make the adjustments and repairs.''
``It will take time, and I don't want you to wait.''
``It's okay, I can wait here. If what you claim is true, then I think it is fine if I sacrificed some time just to witness how this amazing piece of technology works.''
``You'll only be in the way!''
``Stop stalling for time, Susan!'' I interjected with more anger and aggression than before. ``So far I have been taking your word for everything, but I've not seen anything concrete to show that your claim is true. You definitely need to show me something more concrete, a form of demonstration, to prove that you have indeed done what you had claimed.''
I took a breath before continuing.
``Otherwise I will just pretend that nothing had happened, and that you had not made any of the outrageous stuff that you had claimed and let you try something else instead of making a fool of yourself here.''
Susan stopped arguing and stared daggers at me, as though I were the unreasonable one and that she was the rational between the two of us. I stood there patiently, waiting for her reply. Susan was my best student, but lately she was starting to sound like a raving lunatic, making claims that sounded like something that came out of a science fiction novel than from methodical and meticulous science. I was naturally concerned of course, since it would be quite a waste if she did not pick herself up and continue the good work that she had once put up before her current excessive eccentricity.
``I'll show you, I'll show you what a fool you have been! Your unending meddling in trying to steer me away from my work will end one day, when I disprove your perspective once and for all.''
``Well,'' I began slowly. ``I am waiting for that day to come. Meanwhile, if you don't have anything else that is productive to say, I will go back to my office to work on other things.''
``You just wait and see; just wait and see...'' Susan said, in somewhat of a trance.
I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head subtly before heading out of the laboratory.
``Believe it,'' Susan said as she stared down into my eyes with a burning glare. ``You know that it is possible, even if you didn't know how it can be done.''
I shook my head. I had been working on the research behind the technology for many years, and so far all of the directions that I had taken to solve the equations associated with the time travelling engine were unsolveable, even in restricted cases of space-time geometry and other additonal simplifying assumptions, That she could claim that it was a working time travelling engine was one thing that I was not prepared to accept so readily, such was the extent of the disbelief that I had to suspend.
``No! I don't believe you! There's just on way that this can work!'' I hollered back in an attempt to fight against the burning gaze that was set upon my very self.
``Then explain how it got here.''
``Why should I? I'm not the one making an outrageous claim here---he who is making the outrageous claim has the burden of proof!'' I replied indignantly. It was of course a valid statement on my part---it was always the norm for the person making the claim to prove that the claim holds, and not for the unbeliever to prove that it does not hold.
``Well,'' Susan said, her voice rising in pitch, ``the mathematics is too complicated for you to figure out; it'd be a waste of my breath and time to attempt to explain it to you!''
``Then you are lying,'' I replied with an air of finality. ``You are merely a new hire; I've been through your resume for goodness sake. How can you know some theory that I cannot hope to comprehend? You should probably stop bluffing and show me something more concrete.''
``This engine is concrete!''
``You have not proven it works!'' That part was true. I had walked into the laboratory that morning only to find Susan standing next to the device, making the most outrageous claim that I had heard in a while.
``You weren't around when I was testing it!''
``Fine, I'm here now, so show me how it works.'' I said calmly, firm in my conviction that what she said was really a sham in disguise.
``It was only good for one trip; I need to make adjustments and fix it for the next trip,'' Susan started.
``Okay, then make the adjustments and repairs.''
``It will take time, and I don't want you to wait.''
``It's okay, I can wait here. If what you claim is true, then I think it is fine if I sacrificed some time just to witness how this amazing piece of technology works.''
``You'll only be in the way!''
``Stop stalling for time, Susan!'' I interjected with more anger and aggression than before. ``So far I have been taking your word for everything, but I've not seen anything concrete to show that your claim is true. You definitely need to show me something more concrete, a form of demonstration, to prove that you have indeed done what you had claimed.''
I took a breath before continuing.
``Otherwise I will just pretend that nothing had happened, and that you had not made any of the outrageous stuff that you had claimed and let you try something else instead of making a fool of yourself here.''
Susan stopped arguing and stared daggers at me, as though I were the unreasonable one and that she was the rational between the two of us. I stood there patiently, waiting for her reply. Susan was my best student, but lately she was starting to sound like a raving lunatic, making claims that sounded like something that came out of a science fiction novel than from methodical and meticulous science. I was naturally concerned of course, since it would be quite a waste if she did not pick herself up and continue the good work that she had once put up before her current excessive eccentricity.
``I'll show you, I'll show you what a fool you have been! Your unending meddling in trying to steer me away from my work will end one day, when I disprove your perspective once and for all.''
``Well,'' I began slowly. ``I am waiting for that day to come. Meanwhile, if you don't have anything else that is productive to say, I will go back to my office to work on other things.''
``You just wait and see; just wait and see...'' Susan said, in somewhat of a trance.
I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head subtly before heading out of the laboratory.
Wednesday, 20 October, 2010
Sam
``Sam, is that you?'' I asked a little uncertainly.
``Tim? `The Tinman'? Why you old dog, where have you been?'' The bearded figure replied with a look of surprise.
``All over the place apparently, something about how life catches up with one,'' I replied. ``What are you up to recently?''
``Well, there's this injury that I had,...'' And so Sam began his tale.
``It was a long while back, as far as I can remember, when I was about eighteen. Roughly the year that we started to lose contact of course. I was a sailor, as you might have remembered, all the sailing competitions at the national level and stuff like that.
``It was the Laser `A'-Division boys competition. I was slated to win the national level of the competition to take part in the regional sailing meet. Of course I did my best to train my form, working out every day and going out to see on my Laser sailing boat every other day to train myself out.
``On the day of the competition, I was all set for the race. The weather was fine and I never felt any better. There was a bounce in my step as I walked to the registration table to put my name down. And then I saw him.''
``Who?'' I interrupted at what seemed like an appropriate time.
``Raj. Raj `the Regal' Ramsamy, the literal King of the Waves. He had been out of competition for a whole year for personal reasons, but now he was back. Before I became a major name for sailing, he was the true leader of the pack, the one who was always viewed as the undefeated champion. But an incident a year prior disqualified him from competitive sailing for a whole year, and it was because of that that we didn't see him for quite a while.
``Rumour was rife on the cause of the disqualification, but nothing was ever verified. Besides, I was the hot favourite at that time, so it didn't matter much to me---I was going to win, no matter what. So when I saw him at the registration table, I just nodded to him to acknowledge his existence. He just stared at me silently.
``Soon enough we were out on the open sea, near the starting point on our Laser-class sailing boats. The wind was perfect and we were all waiting eagerly for the starter gun to go. Anticipating.
``Sure enough, we got the resounding bang and we raised the sails on our boats and off we went!
``I was taking the lead for most of the leg of the race, with Raj closely following behind. I was at my peak form and I knew that Raj was not going to be of any threat to me. How he managed to maintain his closeness to me in spite of not competiting for a year was not a thing that I was thinking about during that moment.
``Suddenly, I found my sailing boat sinking. It was a weird thing, one moment I was riding the waves with the wind in my back and the next I was taking in water from all sides.
``Raj zipped past me on his sailing boat, and his face was one full of gloat. Before I knew what was happening, something really hard hit me in the head and I fell into the rising water, my leg simultaneously striking something really hard.
``When I came to, I found myself in hospital with my leg in a cast on traction. From what I heard, Raj was disqualified from the sailing competition again, this time permanently.
``Try as I might, I never did find out why he was disqualified permanently.''
(Based on an exercise generated by WriteThis - 20 Oct 2010 14:10:52)
``Tim? `The Tinman'? Why you old dog, where have you been?'' The bearded figure replied with a look of surprise.
``All over the place apparently, something about how life catches up with one,'' I replied. ``What are you up to recently?''
``Well, there's this injury that I had,...'' And so Sam began his tale.
``It was a long while back, as far as I can remember, when I was about eighteen. Roughly the year that we started to lose contact of course. I was a sailor, as you might have remembered, all the sailing competitions at the national level and stuff like that.
``It was the Laser `A'-Division boys competition. I was slated to win the national level of the competition to take part in the regional sailing meet. Of course I did my best to train my form, working out every day and going out to see on my Laser sailing boat every other day to train myself out.
``On the day of the competition, I was all set for the race. The weather was fine and I never felt any better. There was a bounce in my step as I walked to the registration table to put my name down. And then I saw him.''
``Who?'' I interrupted at what seemed like an appropriate time.
``Raj. Raj `the Regal' Ramsamy, the literal King of the Waves. He had been out of competition for a whole year for personal reasons, but now he was back. Before I became a major name for sailing, he was the true leader of the pack, the one who was always viewed as the undefeated champion. But an incident a year prior disqualified him from competitive sailing for a whole year, and it was because of that that we didn't see him for quite a while.
``Rumour was rife on the cause of the disqualification, but nothing was ever verified. Besides, I was the hot favourite at that time, so it didn't matter much to me---I was going to win, no matter what. So when I saw him at the registration table, I just nodded to him to acknowledge his existence. He just stared at me silently.
``Soon enough we were out on the open sea, near the starting point on our Laser-class sailing boats. The wind was perfect and we were all waiting eagerly for the starter gun to go. Anticipating.
``Sure enough, we got the resounding bang and we raised the sails on our boats and off we went!
``I was taking the lead for most of the leg of the race, with Raj closely following behind. I was at my peak form and I knew that Raj was not going to be of any threat to me. How he managed to maintain his closeness to me in spite of not competiting for a year was not a thing that I was thinking about during that moment.
``Suddenly, I found my sailing boat sinking. It was a weird thing, one moment I was riding the waves with the wind in my back and the next I was taking in water from all sides.
``Raj zipped past me on his sailing boat, and his face was one full of gloat. Before I knew what was happening, something really hard hit me in the head and I fell into the rising water, my leg simultaneously striking something really hard.
``When I came to, I found myself in hospital with my leg in a cast on traction. From what I heard, Raj was disqualified from the sailing competition again, this time permanently.
``Try as I might, I never did find out why he was disqualified permanently.''
(Based on an exercise generated by WriteThis - 20 Oct 2010 14:10:52)
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