I Like It Indoors

I can't help it. I really can't. I'd love to kick away this... habit so I can function normally, but I really can't do anything about it.

I'm agoraphobic.

Yes, you would call this a disease, I know you would. But it's not a disease, okay, it's a habit. A very bad habit. Preacher said so, therefore it has to be true.

But then again, the last time the preacher came by to talk to me was nearly twenty years ago---not sure if I remembered it wrong.

I can't go out. It scares me too much. All the people, all the crowdiness, all the... urgh space out there! Icky icky people.

Why must there be so many people out there? Why can't they leave me in peace?

Long long time ago when I remembered that I had gone out, I could feel that they were all so close to me.

I couldn't take it---I couldn't breathe. Mum had to drag me back home, somehow. Not sure how she did it, but she did.

Never left the apartment ever since.

I don't... not like people. I think they are okay. But I just don't like them being so... close to me. It makes me feel unsafe, it makes me want to hurl. I don't know why; don't ask me why.

But staying at home, it's nice. I get to be all calm and what not, not having to fear anything. Mum lives with me still, and she helps to get food and other stuff from the shops outside.

Oh, and slowly, I've been relying on Amazon.com to help get stuff delivered to me. No need to step outside of the apartment. So nice.

It's not a disease! I'm not sick! I just have this... weird habit. I can function! No, I don't slack at home all day wasting my time---I actually work from home. Got a nice spot on Yahoo! as a programmer for quite a while. They allowed me to work from home and connect to the corporate network to submit my source codes. It was a nice arrangement.

Until the new CEO came on and stopped the arrangement. She said something about breaking morale or something.

That was roughly two years ago.

I am thankful that I still have my savings. These days, I work freelance for people. Pay's not fantastic, but it's enough to live by.

I've never really wondered about the outside world. Happy where I am. I get to see the world from where I am, safe and sound. I get my news from the 'net, talk to friends over IRC, play some computer games, get some work done and get paid digitally.

Why would I want to change my little habit?

(Based on an exercise generated by WriteThis - 09-Feb-2014 22:27:38)